When Caleb was about four, Anna was a toddler and she followed him everywhere. He loved to play with little plastic animals. He was old enough not to put them in his mouth but it was still dangerous for Anna to play with such little toys. So once in a while he’d stand on the piano bench and play with his little toys on top of the piano where Anna couldn’t reach them. He would invent imaginary worlds where yellow horses talked to purple pigs and red kangaroos hopped on top of dinosaurs. Most of the time Anna would sit as close to the piano bench as she could and just watch. Sometimes she’d fuss because she didn’t want to be left out. That’s when Caleb would hold up one of the animals and make it talk to her, or he’d climb down and give her a hug then they’d run off to play.

Monday, October 8 it will be twenty years since our Anna went to be with the Lord. I know that God had a purpose for her death because I know that He is a loving and perfect Father but I still can’t imagine what that purpose could be.

God’s ways are higher.

Like Anna, I can’t see the top of the piano. Most of the time I am content to sit as close to God as I can and wait for Him to give me a glimpse of the story but I have to confess that sometimes I fuss, wanting to see enough to understand.

It has been long enough now that I know I am just too little to have that higher perspective and it is too dangerous for me to try to move the pieces myself to make a better story…

so I just reach for the hug.

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